See Bullamakanka and die

/ Doug Jacquier

This piece was written for the Unicorn Challenge, a weekly prompt to write a story of up to 250 words based on a photograph.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen (and persons who have adopted other nomenclature) to today’s guided bushwalk through Bullamakanka National Forest, aka Death Valley. Along the way you will see majestic gums, native frangipani, egg-and-bacon plant and many other species, including bush tucker plants, like finger limes. However, please beware of the Gympie-Gympie stinging tree. One touch of that and it’s like being burnt with hot acid and electrocuted at the same time.

As for the fauna, button up your blouses and shirts. You wouldn’t want a funnel web spider dropping down on your chest. We’re a long way from the anti-venom and you can cark it in 15 minutes.

Also look out for tiger snakes. Their bite will cause pain in the feet and neck, tingling, numbness and sweating, followed by breathing difficulties and paralysis. Oh, and your kidneys will fail.

Last but not least, and the worst way to die of all, are dropbears. The savage carnivorous relative of the koala, it drops from trees and bites your neck to subdue you. As a deterrent, you have been issued with a jar of Vegemite to smear behind your ears, under your armpits and on your nose.

Lastly we have the human-introduced peril of a high speed train that runs through here regularly. If you don’t want to be the new figurehead for the Sydney to Newcastle Express, I suggest you keep your eyes and ears peeled.

Other than that, please relax and enjoy your leisurely stroll through Nature’s wonderland.

Extra information:

Dumb Ways To Die https://youtu.be/IJNR2EpS0jw

Dropbears https://tinyurl.com/ypfpb9uz

38 thoughts on “See Bullamakanka and die”

  2. You paint such a compelling picture, Doug, you larrikin, you!
    (Well, I had to check on these terrors to see what you had invented and I came across ‘larrikin’ – seemed to suit. 😉)
    I take it you’re not being head-huted by the Australian Tourist Board?
    Fun and clever story.

    Liked by 1 person

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    • Well, you would think so but as for going outside, a visiting American friend was pecked in the eye by a magpie outside the art gallery in Melbourne. Seriously, Michael, cows, horses, and dogs (which I understand you have) are far more likely to kill you than any wild animals in either country. Come on down. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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  11. Well I feel right at home in this story. Especially as I’m an occasional passenger on the said Sydney to Newcastle ‘high speed’ (???!!!) train. Fortunately I’ve always managed to secure a seat inside. I’ll be watching out in future for any wandering tourists who are at risk of being splattered as we race past. I’ll be sure to bang vigorously on the window to warn them away.

    (I thoroughly enjoyed your version of my homeland and its terrors, by the way.)

    Liked by 1 person

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