This piece was written for the weekly Unicorn Challenge, using the photo as a prompt.

• Hey, Woofer. What do you think they’re up to in there
• What’s it to you, Sticky Beak?
• Well, I’ve got my family coming along behind and I don’t want my wife and cygnets seeing something nasty in that wood boat.
• Like what?
• You know, a bit of the rumpy-pumpy. A bit of the how’s-your father? A bit of the old in-and -out. Know what I mean?
• Do I take it that’s your feeble attempt to enquire as to whether the residents are engaging in sexual intercourse?
• Well, there’s no need to get coarse about it. Well, are they?
• What difference would it make if they were?
• Well, it’s obvious, isn’t it? I wouldn’t want my wife and kids seeing that sort of behaviour. They could be traumatised for life. Teenagers are very impressionable you know?
• Indeed I do. But how on earth would they know if, as you would probably put it, they were playing hide the sausage? They’re humans. You’re rubber-neck swans. You do it completely differently.
• Haven’t you ever heard of Leda and the Swan? Zeus getting his wicked way with that poor Spartan queen?
• Oh, that. All Greek to me. But anyway, Stickybeak, they’re not. At it.
• Well, what are they doing?
• She’s beating him about the head with a cast-iron frying pan because he forgot their anniversary.
• Oh, well, that’s alright then. Only natural for humans, with their funny little ways.