Author: Doug Jacquier

Bags of wind

/ Doug Jacquier / 6 Comments

This piece was written for the weekly Min Min Challenge prompt of ‘spy balloon’.

It was with the greatest reluctance imaginable that the Speaker finally gave the nod to that notorious force of flatulence, the Honorable Member for Bullamakanka, Mr. Wilson (Horse) Pucky.

In what can only be described as an orderly stampede, other Honorable Members bowed and nodded towards the Speaker and fled to attend to more urgent matters, such as signing Christmas cards to constituents.

‘Thank you, Mr. Speaker’ bellowed Pucky. ‘Now, I do not wish to alarm Honorable Members or the public at large, Mr. Speaker, but it has been drawn to my attention that a new scourge has emerged in our skies, one that threatens the very fabric of our society. I have been inundated with complaints about a balloon joy flight operator in my electorate, Mervyn’s Pervin’ Tours.

Customers of this nefarious operation have been seen hanging out of the basket to film people going about their private business in that sanctuary of sanity, their own back yard, and having the resulting videos posted on YouTube. One young person of female persuasion has had a promising career in kindergarten teaching ruined by her desire to gain an all-over tan. And a man innocently digging in his veg patch is now helping Police with their enquiries into the disappearance of his third wife.

Mr. Speaker, I call on the Prime Minister to immediately authorise the Air Force to swat these spy flies so that we can again barbecue our chops and vegie burgers in peace!’

The Dali Planet

/ Doug Jacquier / 10 Comments

This piece is in response to the weekly Min Min prompt at https://sixcrookedhighways.com/min-min-weekly-prompt/ . Jump in, the water’s fine.

Salvador Dali Clock Painting at PaintingValley.com | Explore collection ...

The world thought it had seen everything until all the guns went limp, like Dali watches. Monty Python-like, armies were reduced to yelling insults at each other. When they tried to throw hand grenades they found blancmanges in their hands. When they fixed bayonets, they found their swords were only drawn and not real.

Gangsters became a laughing stock when they had to resort to ‘bang, bang, you’re dead’. The best that potential school shooters could manage was ‘I hate Mondays’.

Lions fell about laughing when all that popped out of the end of hunters’ rifles were corks on strings. (Mind you, their revenge was thwarted when they found their teeth had turned into marshmallows.) Ducks danced on the hats of men camouflaged in the marshes.

Soon the world realised that it wasn’t just guns that had become laughing stocks but the plague of benevolence and good will had spread to all the micro aggressions that had become rampant in modern times.

Perpetrators of rude finger gestures found they now had a hand full of sausages that couldn’t be trained to type or hold a steering wheel or steer a motorbike. Thugs and wife-beaters found their hands had turned to fairy floss and they were besieged by children.

Politicians discovered that anything stronger than ‘yah-sucks-boo to you’ stuck in their craw. Social media trollers watched in horror as their digital diatribes fell from their screens like confetti before they could become fully formed.

And everyone lived happily ever after.

Weekly Min Min Prompt – 3 Feb 2023

/ Doug Jacquier / Leave a comment

A different type of prompt this week, albeit one often used in writing competitions, namely a supplied first line that you have to continue in your own inimitable way. Start your story with the first word after the prompt.

So this week’s prompt is: The world thought it had seen everything until …..

Let the prompt take you wherever you want to go. If there was ever an opportunity to let your imagination run riot, this is it.

Remember to read the guidelines here before you start.

Let the fun begin! Remember, no more than 250 words!

Then post your story on the Min Min Inlinkz link party page!

Click here to post your story.

When you click you will see a page like this.

Scroll down to Add link + and click on it.

On the next page, paste your link into the box marked Link.

The title of your piece will be automatically completed.

Then scroll to the bottom and click SAVE.

And you’re done!