Author: Doug Jacquier

Poetry on the Moon

/ Doug Jacquier / 8 Comments

You might remember a while back that one of my poems had been included in a special project to leave poetry on the moon. The poetry has landed! https://www.thesun.co.uk/tech/33638052/fireflys-blue-ghost-moon-touch-down/

This the poem that is now on the moon.

Carried on the Wind

Sounds carry on the wind,

carry in the wind,

sometimes are the wind,

deafening the soul.

Sand carries on the wind,

in the wind

and sometimes is the wind,

stripping the paint.

Tears carry on the wind,

in the wind

and sometimes are the wind,

spreading desert rain.

Hope carries on the wind,

in the wind,

and sometimes is the wind

of whispered prayers.

Tomorrow carries on the wind,

in the wind

and sometimes is the wind

of soaring birds.

Writing carries on the wind,

in the wind

and sometimes is the wind

of Heaven.

Suddenly

/ Doug Jacquier / 8 Comments

This micro piece (75 words) of mine was published on Paragraph Planet today.

https://www.paragraphplanet.com/

Suddenly

The soundtrack to our teenage love was her album played on my turntable. The stereo’s needle injected bliss into our veins, transporting us to a world of endless revolution. Until the day we argued for the last time and she tore the record of our love from its spindle, breaking my tone arm and my heart with one fell swoop. All I had left was an empty sleeve and the tracks of my tears.

Poem on the way to the moon

/ Doug Jacquier / 4 Comments

At 4pm tomorrow (Australian time), one of my poems will be launched to the moon with the Polaris anthology of poems from around the world. In addition to being on the Polaris Mission payload to launch later this year, it has been added to the payload of the Firefly Blue Ghost lander shown below. That flight is currently scheduled to take off at 1:11 am on January 15th. You can follow the takeoff here:

https://plus.nasa.gov/schedul…/firefly-launch-to-the-moon/

My poem heading moonwards is:

Carried on the Wind

Sounds carry on the wind,

                        carry in the wind,

                                    sometimes are the wind,

                                                deafening the soul.

Sand carries on the wind,

                        in the wind

                                    and sometimes is the wind,

                                                stripping the paint.

Tears carry on the wind,

                        in the wind

                                    and sometimes are the wind,

                                                spreading desert rain.

Hope carries on the wind,

                        in the wind,

                                    and sometimes is the wind

                                                of whispered prayers.

Tomorrow carries on the wind,

                        in the wind

                                    and sometimes is the wind

                                                of soaring birds.

Writing carries on the wind,

                        in the wind

                                    and sometimes is the wind

                                                of Heaven.

Uber Santa

/ Doug Jacquier / 2 Comments

A Christmas present. UK magazine Humour Me has just published my piece about the possibilities for booking a Santa just like you book an Uber. For some reason WordPress won’t let me publish the link, so here’s the piece.

Welcome to the Uber Santa website!

As busy modern parents needing to be available 24/7 to your employer/s, we know you don’t have time to go Christmas shopping.

And we know, you need your shut-eye, so you can’t be waiting up half the night to ensure the kids are asleep before you can safely stuff their stockings or build that swing set with instructions you can’t read after that second bottle of wine.

Never fear, Uber Santa is here and he’s just a few clicks away!

Just sign up with your credit card and follow these simple step-by-step instructions for a hassle-free Christmas Eve.

  1. Shop – Click the Shop button and select a budget for your Christmas spend.
  2. Recipients – Fill out the names and ages of your children and tick the categories of presents they will love.
  3. Review your order – See what we’ve selected and click Pay Now. (In the unlikely event that you don’t like or approve of our selections, go back to Step 2.)
  4. Delivery instructions – Please provide us with:
  • Your address and phone number
  • Names and bribes for any household pets that are likely to be aggressive.
  • Keycode numbers for your burglar alarm and/or details of which flower pot or mat your key will be under.
  • Diagram of your house marked with where you want presents left.
  • The preferred age, gender, sexual preference, nationality, race and voting record of your Uber Santa. (Note that we cannot guarantee to meet all of your requirements and substitutions may have to be made.)

(Don’t worry, your data is completely safe with us. Honest. Cross our heart and hope to die.)

  • Click Complete Order and then leave the rest to us.

What to leave out for Uber Santa.

Please be aware that your Uber Santa can sometimes have specific dietary requirements. We will send you a text on Christmas Eve advising whether your scheduled Santa is vegan, gluten free, lactose intolerant, Scottish, Asian, Jewish, Muslim or Mormon or has any other special dietary requirements.

What NOT to leave out for Uber Santa.

Carrots – If you haven’t had the conversation with your children before, now is the time to break it to them that Santa doesn’t have a sleigh or reindeer these days.

Suggested answers to those pesky questions

Leading up to Christmas, children will often ask difficult questions. Here’s some suggested answers to the more common ones:

Does Santa contribute to climate change with all that flying around?

No, he uses a solar-battery-powered rocket that burns no fossil fuels, so he doesn’t contribute to pollution-induced climate change.

How can Santa be everywhere at once?

His rocket travels at the speed of light. (For the little ones you might need to explain that’s faster than any Marvel super-hero.)

Is Santa real?

He’s real until you decide he’s not real. That’s when the presents stop.

How come Santa’s a fat old white man? Our teacher, Ms. Wildflower, says people like him have caused all the problems in the world.

Actually, nobody has ever seen Santa, so you can picture what we call Santa as anything you like. Your mother sees him a young, sensitive, slim man who likes poetry and yoga. I imagine Santa as being just like my Mum. Everyone’s different, just like Ms. Wildflower.