I’d love to turn you off, Ken Oath

This piece was written for the Six Sentence Story Challenge, with the prompt word of ‘branch’.

I was halfway through reading out a news story about how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall when Ken Oath, as was his wont, interrupted to branch off into ‘That reminds me of the dreadful potholes that appeared in my street after the Flood of 1985, even though the river height didn’t match the Great Deluge of 1919, as related to me by my grandfather’.

Careful not to draw breath he continued, ‘Speaking of my grandfather, I remember how I used to have to clock on and off at the surgical truss factory where I completed my apprenticeship in the French polishing of rubber goods, only to be made redundant by steady improvements in hernia surgery.’

The word ‘rubber’ in turn triggered a sniggering schoolboy tale about an imported American school teacher who was shocked when one of her students asked for a rubber in class, only to discover later that this was the Australian term for an eraser; ‘Oh, how we laughed’ quoth Ken, with one of those fake snorts people make with the back of their hand to their nose.

Inevitably, he followed that with ‘Did I ever tell you I once had a share in a racehorse called Goosey Gander, whose only claim to fame was finishing third in a three-horse race in the mud at Manangatang and only then after surviving a stewards’ inquiry into why he was being ridden by a wombat?’

As if only just realising it, he feigned apology for his digression but stated that he had in fact returned the conversation to the subject of holes, given the propensity of wombats to dig them and asked if I forgave him.

Looking up, I noticed I was late, found my coat and grabbed my hat and made the bus in seconds flat, hoping that Ken would one day blow his mind out in a car through not noticing the lights had changed.

With apologies to The Beatles’ ‘A Day In The Life’ https://youtu.be/usNsCeOV4GM

16 thoughts on “I’d love to turn you off, Ken Oath

  1. Great device for telling jokes, Doug.
    Your clever use of language has had me start the day with a smile.

    Favourite line: Careful not to draw breath…
    (Did you hear the one about the wife with the speech impediment? Every so often she stopped talking to breathe.)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Packed Six, Doug.
    To be honest, rubber brings to mind the horrific gathering of rubber or caoutchuc(weeping tree) at Leopold’s Congo for Goodyear,Dunlop etc.
    A story worth retelling…if you will ever be inclined, I am sure you will tell it far better than I ever could.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Fun story about someone we all know.
    And a great song.
    Also, Doug, your kind comments chez moi are much appreciated.
    Neither of us tend to take life too seriously but, even in print and across the big waters, we still recognise someone who is a friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. (Full Disclosure: I had to/was glad to look up Ken Oath. This internet thing, ain’t it sumthin?)

    To the Six at hand: the incense and blacklight is washing out the unimaginative world (the purported ‘real’ world behind and beyond my computer display)…

    “Earworms for my friends!
    Lift up your hearts and sing me a song
    That was a hit before your mother was born

    Secondary Disclosure: I resisted the temptation to google “…being ridden by a wombat

    Fun Six

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks, clark, for venturing into the world of Ken Oath. In Adelaide, capital of my home State, there used to be a band called The Ken Oath Ockerstra (‘ocker’ being Aus for a rough uncultured person). As for your secondary disclosure, you wouldn’t have found anything because all references to wombat jockeys have succumbed to cancel culture. 😉


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