This piece was written for the Min Min weekly prompt challenge for 27 January 2023.
Adam lived in a weatherboard cottage in Tasmania, surrounded by his apple orchard.
Sales of his annual apple crop were declining due to the perfect storm of the Australian market’s demand for certified organic versus the demands of their Japanese customers for unblemished perfection. As Adam’s hitherto simple life began to unravel, his nights became increasingly apocalyptic.
His nightmares always began with a tympanic pelting storm besieging his eardrums akin to being duct-taped to AC-DC’s concert amps, punctuated by thunderclaps of Biblical proportions and the sound effects of Cyclone Tracy.
The overflowing water flooding into his brain began to short out his synapses and sizzling spark-fests criss-crossed his lobes in a chain lightning reaction.
The ventricles of his heart began to sport stalactites, transported via the ice in his veins, and driven by the Antarctic blizzard invading his gasping mouth.
He loved God but now saw him as a sadist.
Until the arrival of Eve, carrying a backpack, and asking if he had any work available. Adam was immediately smitten and invented a job on the spot, with no idea how he was going to pay her. He needn’t have worried because Eve immediately took stock of the situation and re-positioned the business as ‘Hissy Fit Cider – The Asp-irational Drink’ and she appeared on the label, picking apples, naked.
Now Adam welcomed the cyclone of orders that kept him up all night.
Six Crooked Highways 
Ripper, mate, deserves a cold one!
Especially love ‘Asp-irational’.
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Good on yer. 🙂
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Well, that puts the Shipping Forecast in the shade, Doug.
A brilliant and fun retelling of the story with descriptions of his apocalyptic nights that are surely unequalled in any place or time.
And Eve as a backpacker, a gem of a finishing touch.
(Goes without saying she had the solution. 😉 )
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Many thanks, Jenne, you’re very kind.
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Well wordplayed Doug.
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Thanks, Obb
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I’m always attracted by inventive retellings of the Fall
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🙂
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A positive symphony of metaphors there – loved it. I felt like I’d spent 90 seconds at a weather-fest. 🙂
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Thanks, Sandra. Imagine how Adam felt. 🙂
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If life gives you lemons make “ Hissy Fit Cider”.
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Indeed. Bottoms up! 🙂
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Yes it takes a woman, good for Eve.
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There are those in Christian circles that may disagree with your notion of Eve being good. 😉
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My favourite cocktail is Snakebite which is made with beer and cider and stuff. I’m about to become a customer of theirs!
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I’ll keep an eye on the Death notices. 😉
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…”re-positioned the business as ‘Hissy Fit Cider – The Asp-irational Drink’ and she appeared on the label, picking apples, naked.”
Haven’t found the exaction citation, but I’m pretty sure you’ve violated at least one of WordPress’s TOS with the above.
Surely they have some rule regarding outrageous (and amusing) use of the English language.*
* and/or Australian gotta go find a Venn diagram for the the two
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Thanks, clark. If they do, I am an endangered species. 🙂
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