This story won the Longer Flash Fiction section (up to 500 words) of the Andrew Siderius Memorial Writing Contest, run by Friday Flash Fiction in Edinburgh, Scotland. The Judges’ comments included:
‘We especially enjoyed Doug’s descriptive language, such as “mustard-gassed appetite” and “the Hades of the wok.” It isn’t often that a reader laughs out loud when reading and visualizing a story. We found that “Currying Disflavour” was not just well-written but hilarious.’
Here’s the story (and for once this story is actually true).
Currying Disflavour
In my impending dotage (and you can stop that sniggering in the back row), I’ve discovered cooking and a penchant for adventure. I found a recipe for squid stir-fry and imagined a song of praise from my goodly spouse. ‘Perfectly cooked squid, on an eclectic bed of seasonal vegetables, conjuring the exotic flavours and aromas of Asia’ a pretentious restaurant menu would have said.
The recipe read ‘green curry paste’ but what would they know; one paste is as good as another, I thought, (ever the egalitarian). With what I imagined was a chefly flourish I enhanced my imagined masterpiece with a large blob of chilli paste, hurled straight into the Hades of the wok.
Instantly, I was alerted to the error of my ways by a nose like a running tap and a total shut-down of my lungs (except for the coughing bit). My wife rushed to my rescue, either concerned about my paroxysms or what I might be coughing into the evening meal, but, alas, she was swiftly felled by the same symptoms.
Every door and window open onto the evening chill, ceiling fans gyrating dangerously at speeds hitherto unknown and the Chernobyl wok banished to the nether regions of the back yard, we averted asphyxiation.
My previously baked sausage rolls sated what was left of our mustard-gassed appetite. They tasted a lot like humble pie.
Six Crooked Highways 
Congratulations on a well deserved win.
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Thanks, Hobbo.
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Congrats Doug; Getting a dour Good ‘Burgian to rause a smile is no small thing.
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Thanks, Obb
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Sorry, ‘raise a smile.’ It’s early Sunday morning after a late Saturday gin(s.)
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🙂
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This is truly fabulous–Bravo, and Congrats!! It was so visual, real, that my own eyes nearly began watering 🙂
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Thanks, Zelda, much appreciated.
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Most welcome 🙂
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Congrats:) Read it in FFF. Well-written and well-deserved win.
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Many thanks, nightlake.
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Yes! I knew you’d start hitting the mark because, as the judge’s notes, you have a way with words. Congratulations.
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Thanks, Charli. I think it’s ironic that in this case the prize was judged by the family of the man in whose name the contest was held, rather than the usual ‘judges’. 😉
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Watch out for Hungarian wax peppers, their oil is worse than the fruit itself! Thanks for sharing the link.
You might enjoy this wok tale, told to me by some friends…
The elder teen decided to make a Stir-fry. Let the first bit of oil go to far, but just added more and then proceeded to add the rest of the veg and poultry to the blacken goo. It was (barely) edible. However they asked the young chief to not repeat the dish was that was named the Exxon-Valdez Stir-Fry. 😀
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Thanks for the tip, Jules. I get the parents making the culinary sacrifice to encourage the teen but there are limits. 🙂
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That’s quite a story. I avoid anything with chilli – unless it’s sweet or very mild. It doesn’t take much to make my nose and eyes water and my throat catch. I can just imagine this scene – hilarious in the telling, not in the experiencing.
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Thanks, Norah
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You have a way with words Doug. You weave humour into your stories effortlessly, what a wonderful way to see the world. As a household of chilli-lovers, we use chilli almost daily in our cooking, but I’m grateful we haven’t yet made this mistake… Congrats on the award! This was a fabulous read.
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Thank you so much, Rebecca, you are very kind. I still use chilli in my cooking because my wife and I like to occasionally, so no permanent harm done. 🙂
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