Customer Service Guarantee

This piece was written for the Six Sentence challenge, with the prompt word ‘service.

Here at (insert name of corporation, business, government agency, etc) we value our service to our customers extremely highly and we do all that we can to ensure complete customer satisfaction in all our interactions.

From our highly professional call centre in (insert name of city here – Mumbai, Manila, Johannesburg etc) where our eager staff will read to you from their on-screen decision tree until they run out of options (or English) and then promise that their supervisor will call you shortly, through to our virtual assistant lurking in the bottom right hand corner of your screen that is amazingly accurate in being just as helpful as our human staff, you can be assured that we are here to help.

We are experiencing a high volume of calls and emails at this time due to (insert unforeseen circumstance e.g. Friday, Christmas, Chinese New Year etc), so wait times for your call or email to be answered may be longer than usual and we thank you for your patience and know that we know that you are always a valued customer.

We welcome your feedback, both positive and negative, and any complaints you have will be our top priority, so simply send them to our Complaints Supervisor at the email address that youโ€™ll find on Page 17 of our FAQs. Note: We advise that we are experiencing a high volume of complaints at this time so wait times for your complaint to be addressed may be longer than usual. Or please feel free to drop into our Head Office at 666 Main Street, Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia.

9 thoughts on “Customer Service Guarantee

  1. Apt, indeed…I think if I hear or read once more that my wait time may be some degree of “forever”, I’ll jump off the freaking roof. I emailed a complaint about my recent medical clinic experience in their “Contact Us” box…and doubt I’ll get a reply. But miracles still happen, so maybe… ๐Ÿ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh! How I hate those call centers and automated answering systems!!! They tell me, any company using them don’t want to talk to you – they are hoping you get pissed waiting on them and hang up. They don’t have to hire a human to talk to you or get you where you need to go ASAP rather than running thru 30 wrong suggestions. Or…you give an answer and the electronic “Chatty Kathy” assumes you want to cancel service, or you were really calling the dog pound and hangs up on you. AAarrrgh…I just want to slap the bean counters who put those in place to save money.

    Liked by 1 person

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