This piece was written for the Six Sentence challenge, with the prompt word of ‘net’.
I’d been driven by my friends to an exhibition (not at a gallery but at the artist’s house or, more correctly, the artist’s parents’ house, a mudbrick two-storey faux-Gothic number nestled in a forest background), where the wine was served in pottery goblets made by a local ‘craftsperson’ who saw anything that would sit on a flat surface as hopelessly bourgeois, and the nibbles were vegan and indigestible.
Sibilant cutting remarks echoed through the faux medieval gallery, complete with its redwood refectory table that seemed to have been adzed by a blind drunk and chunky chairs that would require a backside like a mattress to endure for longer than five minutes.
The paintings themselves were of the naif school (i.e. devoid of any talent for drawing or eye for colour), consisting of a cross between Alice in Wonderland and the Kama Sutra as seen by someone tripping on LSD, and the number of red dots on them indicating sales was testimony to the number of sucker fish caught in the artist’s net.
A growing susurration led to a focus on the stairway, from which reluctantly descended a fey young man with Jesus locks and wispy beard (it wasn’t quite the Second Coming but the beatific faces of the assembled multitude would have given you pause for thought).
Overwhelmed by the moon-faced adoration of the throng, he retreated upstairs (perhaps even to Heaven?), as those that hadn’t made it to the front of the crowd tut-tutted at the insensitive behaviour of those who had.
Once that it was apparent that the wine had run out, my friends approached me and invited me to gush over the precocious talent on display and, given that it was a long walk home, I proffered ‘The images I have seen today will haunt me until I resolve them more fully’, and they nodded sagely.
Six Crooked Highways 
“he retreated upstairs (perhaps even to Heaven?)”
You made me laugh…AGAIN…,Doug!
Nice one!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many thanks, Liz
LikeLiked by 1 person
A rather surreal evening! I had never heard of the naif school and had to google it, so you entertained me AND taught me something! Oh, fun fact: people around here catch sucker, but they literally catch it with their hands and not a net. It’s called grabbing sucker, and there’s a town that has an annual sucker festival with a sucker queen 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Always glad to do both, Dyanne 🙂 So is the Sucker King presented with the WC Fields trophy? 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
You painted quite a scene and thanks to google and to the dictionary I was racing back and forth on the keyboard making sure I had the real picture in mind.
I am not sure I would be able to endure those chunky chairs, although there are times when I have sat in some chairs that were anything but comfortable at the moment.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Pat.
LikeLike
Smiles all around, and BIG smiles for: “chunky chairs that would require a backside like a mattress to endure for longer than five minutes” and “Alice in Wonderland and the Kama Sutra as seen by someone tripping on LSD”
Thanks, Doug, I’m saving the remark made at the end for any future arty parties I go to when I won’t have the train fare home 😉
LikeLike
I loved the speciously sagacious comment at the end Doug, and that brilliant word susurration had me reaching for the thesaurus. Excellent again.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Hobbo. Susurration is one of my favorite alliterative words.
LikeLiked by 1 person
😂 i can see why!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, that made me laugh (again!!) Doug. The description of the nibbles is a killer! As a former art gallery administrator and frequenter of artistic openings, I’m acutely aware of the overwhelming importance of the quantity of wine and and abundance and edibility of snacks on the level of attendance (if not on the number of red stickers attained)!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, Lordy, I’ve stumbled into your area of expertise. Just hope it had the ring of ‘truth’ to it. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Totally and absolutely, Doug! I offer you one of my favourite quotes: “Today, we hang. An unfortunate term.” – from Cat’s Eye by Margaret Atwood. I brought it to mind every time we had a hanging.
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
That made me laugh. Great tale Doug 😃
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many thanks. Glad you enjoyed it.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, dear, what an evening to endure. Tact saves the day!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Mimi. More like misdirection. 🙂
LikeLike
Oh Doug, you could have found something “nicer” to say. You’re a rascal to ‘play’ fools that way. 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, Susan, even rascals need to avoid walking home. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
LOL … and you didn’t fib at all. I approve. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
indeed rascals need to avoid walking home from time to time. great six,
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many thanks, UP.
LikeLike
What a delightfully sardonic tale, Doug.
I count less than three gallery openings attended in my younger years. I soon discovered the art world is one quite unto itself 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
.. and up itself 😉 Thanks, Denise.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Fabulous descriptions that made me laugh. You took me right into that room and made me want to do something outrageous to break through the sham! (But then I wasn’t depending on a lift home! 😉 ) Thanks for the new word too. I hadn’t heard ‘adze’ before
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks, Jenne. Mission accomplished. 🙂 Rough hewn timber was all the rage with pseudo-hippies of that era. so it all adze up. ) Boom, tish)
LikeLike
This is so vividly descriptive that I could imagine being there, whilst being thankful that I wasn’t! Cheers, Doug!
My Six!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Many thanks, Keith. Great comment. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person