This piece was written for the Six Sentence Challenge, with the prompt word of ‘redemption’.
Being a card-carrying Member of the Geriatric Obstreperous Devils Motorcycle Club (aka the GOD Squad), there are many things for which I will not be seeking redemption any time soon, yea even though my deathbed moves a little closer with each passing day and the Grim Reaper is standing by to turn back the covers and send me on Eternity Leave.
I won’t be apologising to my grandchildren for taking every opportunity to hide their electronic devices, phones, chargers etc (under the green vegetables in the crisper works well) or for replacing my couches with beds of nails.
I will not be seeking the forgiveness of supermarkets and their entitled millennial customers for supergluing the self-serve checkouts and chatting amiably with my checkout person about the books I am reading currently and exchanging recipes for pea and ham soup.
Perish the thought of abasing myself towards those spawn-of-Satan politicians who seek my vote, despite the fact that every one of their previous promises has evaporated like a fart in the wind.
As for those neighbours who complain that I am ruining the streetscape by digging up the front lawn and planting vegetables, they can kiss my artichokes.
Yea, verily I say unto you that I will continue to make full use of my poetic licence and drive on any damn side of the road to writing Hell that I choose.
Six Crooked Highways 
Supergluing self service sounds excellent and I might try it as long as I don’t accidentally get stuck to self service.
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Either way, nobody can use it. 🙂
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The curmudgeon continues on his merry way. Enjoyed this piece as always Doug. Listened to a Phillip Adams interview on attention and the effect of devices on attention recently (on my device 😉) and the person being interviewed would have applauded your strategies 👏👏. I have to admit to loving mine though it’s primarily because I have a book to read (and offerings like yours) wherever I go 😀😀
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Many thanks, Brian. 🙂
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Another classic Six by Doug! A great use of the underused ‘verily’ too.
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Many thanks, D.
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excellent use of the cue. good six.
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Thanks, UP
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You’re a caution, Doug–and yes, I mean that as a compliment! 🙂
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Thanks, Zelda. 🙂
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To hell with them all, carry on riding, Doug! I especially like your strategy for the self-service checkout. No more ‘unexpected item in the bagging area,’ eh? 😉😂
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Thanks, Chris. And it saves/creates jobs. 🙂
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Good Six. (A quick survey of the other writers, upper management in Hell is going to have an over-supply of candidates.)
Fave phrase: “…send me on Eternity Leave.“
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Thanks, clark. I’m claiming Eternity Leave as an original until proved otherwise. 🙂
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Nice description of going on “Eternity Leave” and “supergluing the self-serve checkouts”.
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Thanks, Frank. I’m claiming Eternity Leave as an original until proved otherwise. 🙂
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As long as we keep the drama to the page, it can’t get too dangerous, right?
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Keep telling yourself that. 🙂
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Please to continue as you see fit!
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I will, Mimi 🙂
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When I go back to Scotland I spend time with my oldest (in both senses) friend, whose wife accuses us of being Grumpy Old Men.
We laugh and say ‘Yeah, but we’re rocking it!’
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Go, you bad things. 🙂
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No point in being a bit aged if you can’t really bug younger folk, is there?
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For some, a conversation with the checker at a store may be the only interactions with others that they have with others who may be quick to hurry home or back to work.
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Indeed, Pat.
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Go, Doug! I hope you don’t go on ‘eternity leave’ – love that! – for a v e r y l o n g time and keep these great stories coming.
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Sigh. My attempt to make ‘very long’ stretch out didn’t make it through the posting process, so I’ll just say a very, very, very long time! 😉
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Brav – vo! Doug. Loved everything about this Six. Think you have plenty of us ready to ride shotgun on that road “to writing hell” 😉
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Many thanks, Denise. From the comments so far, it would seem that I’ll have a lot company on that road. 🙂
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PS – Can we have a prompt next week that doesn’t lead to a plethora of God-bothering. 😉
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A wonderful rant Doug, I’m with you all the way!
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Thanks, Keith. It seems from the comments that I will not be travelling alone. 🙂
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