Let he who is not stoned cast the first sin

/ Doug Jacquier

These pieces were written for the Six Sentence Challenge, with the prompt word of ‘sin’.

Sin – Disambiguation from Wackypedia

Sin-22 – Catch-all for any sins we forgot first time around

Sincerity – That which once you can fake, you’ve got it made

‘Sin – Cry sometimes heard from the putting green

Syntax – Inexhaustible form of government revenue

Moccasin –  1. The sin of mockery             2. Adding chocolate to espresso coffee

Sinnindipity – The accidental discovery of someone who shares the same guilty pleasures

How Karen became AWESOME

Karen trawled the internet constantly, often feverishly, in search of evidence that the world was conspiring to bruise her soul at every turn and she was rarely disappointed, leaving her in a constant state of distress, a state she lamented to her ever-diminishing circle of online ‘friends’ (her real-life friends and family having long since departed the scene).

However, over time, she began to realise that her scattergun approach to attracting sympathy was simply not gaining her enough attention and she needed to find a way to harness an army of put-upon kindred souls that would one day crown her as the Queen of Outrageous Misfortune.

Slowly she crafted a conspiracy theory that centred on a Government plot to de-sensitise the citizenry to the daily assaults on their delicate and precious sense of self that she called the Toughen Up Plot (or TUP) and her acolytes became TUPpers, who brought forward endless stories of callousness that led to the scars known as ‘TUPper wear’.

The first to join in were the left-handed Catholics, closely followed by the victims of the ‘blue and green should never be seen’ tyranny, and then in quick succession, they were joined by vegans traumatised by ads for butcher shops, lottery losers not offered grief counselling and comfort dogs, University students in therapy because their lecturer mentioned a writer who was not ‘woke’, and mothers who breast-fed in public who felt blanked because no-one told them they were offended, and the list kept growing.

Karen was ecstatic; she had won the Internet but then, just as suddenly, she lost it.

She had succumbed to Andy Warhol Erasure Syndrome – Optimum Media Extent (aka AWESOME), in that she had become famous for 15 minutes and her time was up, which consigned her to a Living Hell of Irrelevance for indulging in the Sin of Pride, Subsection 2, Clause ii, ‘Preciousness’.

Bonus stoning scene – https://youtu.be/Cnn2aGVcCEc

36 thoughts on “Let he who is not stoned cast the first sin”

  2. Tuppers…Tupperware…will the madness ever end?!
    I take it you prefer your espresso straight up and a sin-gle shot? Good on you…a bit of sweet and you’ve got Turkish coffee. Wheeee!

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  5. Oh gosh, Doug–between you and Keith, I cannot stop laughing, my ribs hurt! This story is all too hilariously good…and sad to say, I was once very much like Karen–but I’m mostly over myself now 🙂 I’ll humbly take my “fame” in bits and pieces here in the WP blog world.

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  6. I’m pretty sure I should be offended by lots of this, Doug, but I’ve just got up so not yet very woke.
    I’m also surprised you didn’t mention Sinderella and the Seven Dwarves, with its capacity for causing widespread offence to just about anyone who wants it.

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  8. On behalf of the United Aphasics Against Unintelligible Acronyms, I would register my complaint, however, the obvious promotion of near-Rationalism throughout your Six makes my point mute.

    silly fun as usual, D (emoji involving digits: HERE)

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  11. The title started me smiling and I didn’t stop. The definitions are delightfully punny and Karen’s story such a clever satire on our ‘woke’ culture. That’ll be the ‘woke balloon’ burst then! (Loved the scene from Life of Brian. Did you hear the one about Jesus’ comment about casting the first stone which is followed by a stone flying through the air and Jesus responding, ‘Mother, I’ve told you about this before!’)

    Liked by 1 person

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