Mr. Dooverlacky’s Blue Box of Happiness

/ Doug Jacquier

This piece was written for the weekly photo prompt from the Unicorn Challenge.

‘Mr. Dooverlacky, I’m here on behalf of the Amalgamated Conductors, Wheeltappers and Dining Car Operatives Union to demand an explanation as to the new installation in the staff ablutions area.’

‘So, Alf, you want to know about the purpose  of the Accoutrement Bleu in the staff lavatory? Perhaps you imagine it might be a surveillance device to act as a stool pigeon? Or a wee measurement tool to see which employees are making a welter of their relief breaks? No, no, no. It’s there as a management-funded benefit for our employees.’

‘Then you’ll need to explain its purpose, because my members ain’t half got their knickers in a knot about what it is.’

‘Certainly, Alf. It’s what we call The Blue Box Of Happiness. No longer will Charlie’s prostrate have him prostate in frustration. Miss Faversham will be able to enjoy all the movements of Beethoven’s Fifth unrestrained. And all staff will be able to rearrange their undergarments for maximum comfort without the embarrassment of attempting to do so surreptitiously in the course of their duties.’

‘So what’s the purpose of the big red eye in the middle then? Is that some sort of camera?’

‘Perish the thought, Alf. That simply indicates it is functioning.’

‘Why not a green light then?’

‘Well, not to put too fine a point on it, we were concerned that it might encourage all sorts of licentiousness. Behind closed doors and that sort of thing, what.’

‘Agreed, sir. Now if you don’t mind, nature calls.’

17 thoughts on “Mr. Dooverlacky’s Blue Box of Happiness”

  1. Oh sh… sugar! We shoulda known better than to give you an opening to take the erm, mickey, Doug.
    I particularly liked Mr B’s Fifth movement, and I’m relieved (schoolboy snigger) that you kept it family-friendly.
    I hope we can now consider the slate (and everything else) wiped clean.

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