The Giant Mozzie of Kozzie

This piece was written for the weekly Terrible Poetry contest, using the theme ‘The Big Rock Candy Mountain’. Might I humbly suggest this will romp it in.

And in fact it did! https://chelseaannowens.com/2020/01/24/winner-of-the-weekly-terrible-poetry-contest-47/

I went searchin’ for the treasure

The wealth beyond measure

That would bring me great pleasure

Up there in the blue azure.

Atop the mount called Kozzie

The dream of every Ozzie

Lay hidden in a secret pozzie

And guarded by a giant mozzie.

 

Chorus

Nobody knows the trouble I have seein’

Since I’s bit on the eye

While reachin’ for the sky

By the mozzie of Kosciuszko.

Remember the revolution?

Remember causes

and affectations of effect on war

in cities now gone five-star?

 

Remember social action

sitting in smoke-filled rooms with Nescafe activists

and battered women with no teeth and less hope?

 

Remember death

when it belonged to rock stars

and people your mother knew?

 

Remember money

and how it wasn’t going to concern you

until you learnt the golden rule and its defensible limits?

 

And do you remember when the penny dropped

that the personal was the political

and you found out you had to change?

 

And you decided to forget the revolution?

God bleakly ignoring midwinter

Thanks to my UK blog pal Bryntin , I came across this delightful site, Terrible Poetry and have submitted this entry under the prompt ‘The Bleak Midwinter”.

The bleak midwinter arrived in

the middle of winter

and it was bleak.

Not moor bleak;

more bleak than that.

The wind was keen,

not in that American neat way

nor like mustard,

but sharp

and bleak

because it was midwinter.

I watched it being bleak midwinter

but I don’t think God did.

 

The Devil’s Elbow

This is my response to the Carrot Ranch’s 99-word challenge for this month about ‘wife-carrying’.

Mick picked his way carefully along the narrow track. As he reached Devil’s Elbow Cave, he planned to lay his heavy load down and take a rest. But before he could do that a man and a woman emerged from the cave. The man said “We’ll just relieve you of that burden, Mick.” Mick heard the click of the switchblade and saw the knife in the woman’s hand.

Seemingly acquiescent, Mick rolled the pack off his back, tore the top flap open and out stepped a woman holding a shotgun.

“You call that a wife? This is a wife.”

DAM DESIGN

This 99 word story comes from the Carrot Ranch word prompt ‘by design’.

 

“So”, he began, “we designed the dam to help the irrigators.”

Irrigators that grow cotton and not food?

‘Absolutely!” he replied warily.

Cotton to sell to Asia to be turned into T-shirts in sweat-shops?

“Well, we don’t dictate the market ….”

And the fact that the food farmers downstream have ended up as peasants in their own country is dictated by the market as well?

“We’re running workshops for them on how they can adjust their business model.”

To businesses that dont rely on water?

“Absolutely!”

And you did all this by design.

“I’m sorry, where is this heading?”

Shopping in the parallel universe

This is my entry in the Carrot Ranch’s 99 word challenge for this month with the theme of ‘open mic night’.

In the supermarket the other night, I grabbed the store open mic and announced:

“Attention all staff. Red team, please re-arrange the aisles at random to ensure customers have to search the entire supermarket to find what they want. Green team, yes, we know the chicken’s changing colour but mark it down and move it. And check-out skeleton crew, when you robo-ask a customer what they have planned for today and the customer says “I’m going home to disembowel my dog and then barbecue him for dinner”, don’t forget to say “Oh, that’s nice, are the family coming around?”

A gnome of my own

Entered into theCarrot Ranch’s Flash Fiction 99 word challenge for December with the theme of gnomes.

“Smithers, l’ve just had a call from the Prime Minister, Mr. Churchill, himself.”

“Cor blimey, sir.”

“He’s ordered 100,000 miniature gnomes, with Union Jack waistcoats, to be placed in the backpacks of every British soldier fighting in Europe. Imagine every Tommy going into battle with the quintessential symbol of everything that’s British nestled in his kit. God, King and garden at their backs, our brave fighting men will be invincible. They will stop at nothing to prevent the icon of this sceptered isle falling into enemy hands.”

“You can rely on me, sir, to keep the gnome fires burning!.”

 

The end of innocence

My entry for this month’s Blog Battle challenge word ‘innocent’.

Everyone claimed innocence for the crimes of adult illiteracy, unemployment, homelessness and a generation of young people with no practical skills and no seeming ambition to be anything but famous. Previous governments, parents, schools, businesses (the IT industry screamed the loudest) and of course the citizenry, both collectively and individually, formed the cavalcade demanding immunity from prosecution.

Eventually, as the situation of society became untenable, the Mob grasped at the opportunity to elect Big Sister, with her vague but powerful promises to be the non-party politician to sort out the mess.

Her first act was to establish the Social Crimes Commission (which would soon become known as SOCC and lead to the expression ‘I’ve been SOCCed.’) It didn’t take long for the Commission to draw up its initial hit list of social crimes, with the promise of more to come.

  1. Refusing to take personal responsibility for your actions and your future self-sufficiency.
  2. Owning untenanted dwellings.
  3. Running a large business that didn’t meet its SOCC quotas for age, gender and race in its workforce.

How the Mob cheered when Big Sister compulsorily acquired former schools, office buildings and factories to turn them into Personal Responsibility Action Centres (PRACs). Anyone in receipt of benefit payments (other than the aged and the severely mentally or physically disabled) would be required to attend their local PRAC every week day. There they would be provided education, training (including basic hygiene, bed-making, washing your own clothes, cooking and budgeting) and community work assignments. Non-compliance would result in immediate cessation of benefit payments and a ban from all public places and services until compliance was re-established. As Big Sister said (and the Mob nodded approvingly), ‘sitting looking at a screen is not a career’ and ‘your neighbour is you’.

And the Mob were almost orgasmic in their support for the new Corporate Responsibility Action Plan (which led to a new term, being CRAPed on). Board members and senior executives who had presided over theft, greed and deception in their companies would be required to remedy their crimes by working for no pay until full reparation was achieved or attend a PRAC in an area where the most customers who were affected by their crimes lived.

The Mob was more muted but generally approving of the decree that owning an untenanted home was now illegal. Owners were given 6 months to sell them on the open market or have them compulsorily acquired by the Government and assigned to the homeless, with families given top priority. And of course the same applied if you owned a home but were in permanent aged care. Unchosen homelessness would disappear and the aged care system would now be financially viable. It was only later they realised what this decree would do to inheritance. As Big Sister said, ‘your excess will not be paid for by your ancestors’ thrift’.

But it was the employment quotas that shook the most money trees, which the Mob applauded long and loud. Companies that didn’t meet them had their assets frozen until they did. And the world that was reality before greed became good gradually re-emerged. When you drove into a service station, a person would emerge to fill your car with petrol, check your oil and water and your tyre pressures. When you went to the supermarket, self-serve checkouts had disappeared. Conductors on trains, trams and buses re-appeared. Councils began to re-build their public works departments and shovel-leaners regained their dignity. Stay at home mothers and fathers and carers for the aged in their homes were paid a livimg wage. As Big Sister said ‘the dignity of work will raise us all up.’

Of course there were recalcitrants, who had to be re-trained into real jobs. The rookies could be seen everywhere in RED squads (Repairing Environmental Damage). Armies of real estate agents, lawyers, financial advisors, professional sports people, media stars and web designers were restoring the planet, and their humanity, every day. As Big Sister said, ‘every adult needs to understand that the world is not a toilet’.

Inevitably, those who had lost their wealth tried to sue the Government for their losses, only to find that all Government funds had been moved into untraceable overseas accounts in tax havens. So, technically the Government was broke but continued to operate with an economy and efficiency that made Catch 22 seem simplistic. Attempts to recruit the military to lead a violent overthrow of the new order fizzled out when all military personnel were placed on full salary for life. As Big Sister said, ‘whoever has the gold and the guns rules and the people are our gold’.

As the years passed, rumours persisted that Big Sister was dead, until finally she announced that it was the Will of the People and the gift of modern science that she become President for Eternity, so elections and political parties and Parliaments were no longer necessary. The Social Crimes Commission would fulfill all of those functions far more logically and consistently, as could be seen by the contentment of the people, a contentment that could only become from being truly innocent. As Big Sister said, ‘my critics may describe my rule as a circus but I bring all the fun of the fair’.

 

 

Reflections

This poem was included in the Indigomania anthology  published by https://truthserumpress.net/submissions/indigomania/ 

For you and I,

all things seem possible when we look across blue water

from the solid shore.

Peering towards the horizon,

we conspire towards a thousand buoyant courses.

Imagining a receding shore and a rising tide,

we do not weigh our stamina against the undertow

nor the wind strength against our craft;

we have enough gods

to warrant speculation.

But there are those who stand upon the solid shore

who are already at the end of this world

(and the next)

and our imagined journeys

are their fated drownings.

For them,

as they squint anxiously across the water

imagining a receding shore and a rising tide,

sailing into the blue

seems a truly godless journey.

So they sit watching us,

like hermit crabs,

waiting for us to set out,

assuming we are unlikely to return,

and picturing life inside our empty shells.

and picturing life inside our empty shells. 

Discovery Bay

The signs don’t work ‘cos the vandals took the handles

but the dune charioteers look after their own.

(It seems obscurity is merely an absence

of old fruit boxes and black paint.)

Along a graded road as straight as

the line on the forestry map,

we inspect the commercial pines at parade attention,

shoulders branch length apart.

Behind the parade ground is the local Flanders Field,

vast rolling hills dotted with the grave-stumps

of the Unknown Pine Trees

like a crew-cut magnified X 1000.

As the roller-coaster road begins to seem pointless

if not endless

we consider turning back but morbid curiosity drives us on

to the final crest

which lifts the descending gloom as if accompanied

by the opening chords of ‘Thus Spake Zarathustra’.

The hill top looks down in worship

on the virgin white altar of the tabernacle of the sea.

What first seems the surf-wash of a tidal wave

and then a snow-field surviving mid-summer

floats its nature slowly up the slopes, stating without arrogance, but,

in no uncertain terms,

‘These are the dunes of Discovery Bay

and they have more than your measure.’

The descent to the camp ground underlines the point.

Huddled in a three-tent enclave in a corner of the acre clearing,

their sand stallions muted and hobbled,

a group gathers in the late afternoon sun

to eat, drink and be unified and fortified

against the impending night.

A small hillock provides us with a measure of privacy and protection

from the insistent wind.

The tent pitched, a meal begun, a flagon opened.

A red-eyed knight in blue track-suit armour appears

to herald the despatching of two snakes in the vicinity.

His malevolence at our lack of vehicular sand-ripper is overcome

by the ethics of the Arthurian Card Table.

He exits, stage left, weaving,

as we blare the car radio

to scare away the mind snakes.